The Love I Almost Overlooked
There is something slightly annoying about being told to be grateful.
Especially when you’re waiting for something.
“Be grateful for what you have.”
“At least you’re healthy.”
“Look at all the good things in your life.”
And of course, all of that can be true.
But sometimes it feels like gratitude is being offered as a correction.
As if wanting something you don’t have means you haven’t properly appreciated everything you do.
As if being lonely sometimes makes you ungrateful for the people who already love you.
I don’t think that’s true.
I think two things can exist in the same heart.
I can deeply desire something that is missing…
and still be incredibly grateful for what is already here.
I was reminded of that these past few days.
I spent some time with family, and something about being there filled parts of me that I hadn’t even realized were particularly empty.
There were hugs.
There were small acts of service. The kind that don’t seem particularly significant until you realize how loved they make you feel.
Someone cooking for you because they know you’re coming.
Someone thinking of what you might need before you even have to ask.
Someone doing something small simply because they want to make your day a little easier.
People were genuinely happy that I was there.
We spent time together simply because we wanted to be around each other.
Nothing extraordinary happened.
And maybe that was exactly what made it so beautiful.
Because so much of what I write about here is about waiting.
Waiting for love.
Waiting for the person I will hopefully one day share my life with.
Waiting for the kind of closeness that comes with having your person.
And sometimes, when you’re waiting for one particular kind of love, it becomes very easy to overlook all the other ways love is already finding you.
Not replacing it.
That’s important.
A hug from someone I love doesn’t suddenly make me stop wanting a husband.
A beautiful few days with family don’t erase the nights when I wish someone were lying beside me.
Gratitude doesn’t require me to pretend that nothing is missing.
Maybe it just asks me to notice that missing something isn’t the same as having nothing.
And I think I needed that reminder.
Because there are people here.
People who hold me when I need to be held.
People who think of me.
People who make an effort.
People who remember the little things.
People who do something for me simply because making my life a little easier matters to them.
People whose faces light up because I’ve walked through the door.
People who make space for me at their table.
People who remind me, sometimes without even knowing it, that I am already deeply loved.
And maybe there is something sacred about noticing that.
Not only thanking God when the prayer I’ve been praying is finally answered.
But looking around in the middle of the waiting and realizing:
You’ve been taking care of me here, too.
Maybe not in the exact way I’ve been asking for.
Maybe not through the person I am still waiting for.
But through the people You’ve already placed around me.
Through arms around me when I needed them.
Through someone quietly taking care of something for me.
Through laughter around a table.
Through someone saying, I’m so happy you’re here.
Through all these little forms of love I could so easily call ordinary.
And maybe that’s where my gratitude becomes a prayer without me even meaning for it to.
Because God, I spend so much time telling You about what I don’t have.
You know how much I want it.
You know the prayers I’ve repeated so many times that sometimes I don’t even know how to pray them anymore.
But tonight, I don’t want to ask You for what comes next.
I want to thank You for what is here.
Thank You for the people who love me now.
For every hug that lasted a little longer than I expected.
For every small act of service that quietly said, I thought of you.
For every place where I don’t have to earn my seat at the table.
For every person who makes me feel that my presence is something to be happy about.
Thank You for reminding me that waiting does not mean being empty.
There are still things I hope for.
There are still things I ask You for.
And there will probably be nights when what is missing feels much louder than what I have.
But I don’t want my longing for what might come one day to make me overlook the love You’ve already placed in my life.
I don’t want to wait until every prayer is answered before I call myself blessed.
So while I wait, help me notice.
Help me notice the hands already reaching for mine.
The people already making room for me.
The quiet ways I’m already being cared for.
The love that is already here.
And maybe I can hold both.
The life I still hope for.
And the life You’ve already given me.
The prayers that are still unanswered.
And all the things I once prayed for that I’m living in now.
The longing…
and the gratitude.
Neither one has to cancel out the other.
So today, God, I’m still waiting.
I’m still hoping.
I’m still asking.
But more than anything,
thank You for what I already have.